Emotional Regulation - Know Your Signs

Know your Signs

Being able to emotionally regulate can be difficult at times, particularly with emotions like anger which can seem very overwhelming and all-consuming. One key step in gaining more control of any emotion you may feel is to be more aware of what is happening in your body in moments where you start to feel overcome by an emotion. Our bodies are always giving off signals which communicate to us how we may be feeling at any one time. Typical signs of anger in the body may be muscle tension, a quicker rate of breathing, an elevated heart rate or a sense your heart is ‘pounding’, shakiness throughout the body including the hands, sweating, jaw clenching, and several other signs. Everyone has different bodily signs and its important you understand yours so you can become aware of your emotions and then take action to self-regulate.

Get away from the Trigger

If you are angered by something – it is usually the person you are conversing with, or someone in your near proximity, or even the environment itself…So change your environment and remove yourself from the trigger and do something to self-soothe and then you can revisit the conversation or environment once you are calm.

You may take some time to write down what your main triggers are AKA what makes your irritated/frustrated/upset. If you know what they are then you can become more aware of them and act quicker to take steps to regulate your anger.

Soothe your System Part 1

Once you know what signs your body indicates when you are starting to become angry (through becoming more mindfully aware of your body), you can then do things to try to soothe your nervous system and gain more control over how you are feeling. One way to self-soothe is to slow down your nervous system through deep, slow breathing. When we become angry, fearful, nervous, or even excited, our breathe becomes more shallow and more quick in pace, as our body is preparing to take some action – i.e. we are in ‘fight or flight’. The key is to slow that process down by slowing our breath. There any many different techniques for deep breathing and you may use a video to guide you or a phone app, but the main idea is to breathe slower and deeper and to exhale longer then you inhale. Try doing this the next time you notice some anger arising.

Soothe your System Part 2

Other ways to self-soothe when you notice signs of anger may include the following –

• Focusing on your external environment as a source of distraction and to get more into the present moment. This may include noticing 5 things you can see in your environment. This may also include noticing which sounds and smells are in your environment.
• Activating your sense of touch to get more into the present moment - holding and squeezing a stress ball or sitting on the ground and feeling how the floor feels beneath you, or walking on grass. You can also wash your face with cold water or jump in the shower and focus on how the water feels.
• Exercise – go for a walk, run, do some push-ups, star jumps, do some stretches – just get moving and release some of that tension and activation in your body.
• Other ideas – write down how you are feeling once you have calmed down a bit. It could be single words, or sentences or even just scribbles – release and express. You could also paint your feelings. Get creative.