Managing Your Social Anxiety

Managing Social Anxiety

Social anxiety can quash our ambitions and limit our capacity to make the most out of our interactions. It is more common than one might think and likely has been exacerbated by the Covid lock down periods which limited opportunity for human connection and practicing foundational social skills on a regular basis.

See below some strategies for managing your social anxiety  –

 1. Notice what is happening in your body

When we become anxious our body goes into fight, flight or freeze mode, preparing our bodies to fight off the perceived threat, which in social anxiety may be a crowded room full of people or having to present a speech, or even just meeting someone brand new. Our bodies will tell us that our anxiety is present through signals such as our racing heart, sweaty palms, shakiness in our hands or other extremities, rapid, shallow breathing, muscle tension, and fidgeting, among others. Getting to know what your body’s signs of anxiety are is really important for gaining more awareness of when your social anxiety is kicking in. Once you recognise it, then you can do something to manage it better; you cannot change what you do not know.

 2. Calm and centre yourself

There are many ways to calm down your body when it goes into a state of overdrive AKA anxiety. They key is to create the opposite sensation to what is happening in your body, which generally means slowing down your bodily systems including your breathing as well as calming your mind from the many thoughts which may be inundating it.

If you notice your breathing faster and taking less air in – do the opposite. Slow down your breathing and make sure to take more air in by breathing at a slower rate and more deeply.

Here is a video explaining how to use paced breathing, which will enable you to learn to breathe more slowly and deeply.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4ElmnxNuT8

Grounding is another technique which encourages us to focus on the senses of our body, making us more aware of the present moment, and allowing us to distract ourselves from our thoughts and sensations of anxiety. The key 5 senses include what we can see, touch, hear, smell and taste.

Here is a video explaining how to practice using the 5 Senses Technique to manage your social anxiety: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ao4xdDK9iE&t=7s

Remember that the mind and body are always communicating with one another, so calming your body will in turn calm your anxious thoughts.

 3. Observe and accept

Social anxiety can create many fear-invoking and uncomfortable thoughts. Some familiar one’s might include; Is everyone staring at me right now? Do people think I talk weird/think what I am saying is boring or unintelligent? Everyone can see how nervous I am, they can see my hands shaking and palms sweating. Before you get swept up in these thoughts when you’re trying to focus on holding a conversation, observe that the thought is occurring – i.e. thinking to yourself ‘I notice I am having socially anxious thoughts right now’….And then to accept the thought for what it is ‘…and ‘I accept that I am having these thoughts – but they are just thoughts and not the objective truth – this is my social anxiety talking…’.

If we believe every anxious thought we have then we are bound to feel anxious and out of control. Thoughts are just thoughts though, and we can choose how much they impact us and whether we perceive them as the truth or not. 

4. Do the opposite

Social anxiety often makes us engage in behaviours which may feel comfortable in the moment – as they often protect us from interacting more in social situations. Some examples include; avoiding eye contact, having closed body language (e.g. arms folded, stooped shoulders, trying to appear less noticeable), staying quiet and/or speaking quietly or mumbling, looking at your phone, sitting on your own or away from the crowd).

Next time you feel an urge to engage in one of these behaviours, don’t. Try practicing more eye contact, using mor open language (arms unfolded, more upright posture), contributing a bit more and/or speaking a little bit louder and clearer, spending less time looking at your phone, sitting or stander a bit closer to the crowd/person). Although it will feel uncomfortable and will take practice to get used to, you likely find that others will see you as more social, more confident, and more approachable and this will likely impact how socially confident you feel (and behave) as well.